


when you lie to me (it's in the small stuff)

by sentientaltype



Category: Dare Me (TV 2019), Dare Me - Megan Abbott
Genre: 4+1, Canon - TV, F/F, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Past Rape/Non-con, i haven't read the book, i just finished this show and i am now an addybeth warrior, these two are in love underneath all the toxicity period
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:22:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23483062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sentientaltype/pseuds/sentientaltype
Summary: four times Addy lies to Beth, and one time she finally tells the truth.title is from "cut your bangs" by girlpool.rated M for mentions of rape, language.
Relationships: Beth Cassidy/Addy Hanlon
Comments: 6
Kudos: 135





	when you lie to me (it's in the small stuff)

**Author's Note:**

> these two nearly gave me an aneurysm but at least i have piles and piles of material to work with! this will def not be my last addybeth fic. i hope you guys enjoy it :))

Beth was used to being lied to.

Her parents, the cheer girls, boys. She had grown accustomed to being told what she wanted to hear, but what Beth  _ hadn’t  _ grown accustomed to was something that started recently. 

Ever since Coach French took over the Sutton Grove squad, Beth was being lied to more and more. 

By  _ Addy.  _

Addy, her best friend from the womb. Her ride-or-die, her confidant, her lifeline, was lying to her. 

But she could always tell.

Addy’s brows would raise halfway up her forehead, she’d bite her bottom lip and her voice became high and reedy. She was so  _ obvious _ , and it drove Beth crazy. If she was going to lie, she should at least have done a good job. 

But it drove her mad, knowing Addy was keeping secrets from her. Secrets had always been  _ her  _ thing. 

Addy lied, and she kept lying. 

So Beth counted. 

///

  1. The phone. 



///

She had  _ just  _ seen it, sitting by her bag, and now Beth was searching high and low for it. Not in her duffel, not on the floor or under her towel or in the locker. 

“Hey, have you seen my phone?” Beth looked up at Addy, who was slinging her bag over one arm.

She stood up straighter. “Your phone? No, I haven’t.”

Beth squared her shoulders with her best friend. She watched Addy capture her bottom lip between her teeth. 

“Really?” Beth pushed. She  _ always  _ pushed Addy, she had to, or she’d never get anything from her. “I could’ve sworn it was just here.”

“Maybe RiRi took it?” Addy asked and lifted her arm. “Hey, Ri, have you seen Beth’s phone?”

Beth had to give it to Addy, she was doing a good job. Summoning a third party to distract Beth from the truth. RiRi didn’t have her phone. 

“No, why?” RiRi rounded the lockers and sidled up behind Beth. “You lost it? Damn, you never let go of that thing.”

Beth turned to acknowledge RiRi and immediately turned around. “No, I don’t.”

“Well, let me know if you find it,” Addy said in a high voice and closed her locker before striding out of the locker room. 

Beth’s face was sour, a scowl etched deep into her features. She  _ knew  _ where her phone was, but when it came to Addy, Beth always needed to play her cards right.

“So, what’s the move tonight?” RiRi asked, tone careful. “Should we look for your phone?”

Beth rolled her eyes, shoving her belongings into her duffel bag. “Yes, Ri, we should look for my phone.” 

They piled into Beth’s bright blue Jeep, whirling all around town over the speed limit. Under the guise of searching for Beth’s lost phone, she and RiRi found themselves snatching a bottle of tequila from the liquor store, heading out to Lanvers to look there (and get drunk), before ultimately stumbling into Teddy’s Tavern. 

This was a popular landing point for Beth and RiRi when Addy was too busy to hang out with them. She didn’t like hanging out at Teddy’s because of the Marines. 

Some of the recruiters were nice, others were sleazy, but Beth had never cared. 

Already tipsy, she and RiRi worked their charm on some hick in a dark corner by the beer taps and earned themselves a few drinks.

Even with alcohol in her system, Beth couldn’t turn her mind off. It turned and turned, thinking about Addy working a shift at the Dairy Cream with Beth’s phone in her pocket. 

RiRi roped her into “stomping it out,” and all the while, Beth felt one Marine in particular staring her down. 

After their routine, Beth plucks RiRi’s phone out of some stranger’s hands and sends the video to herself, for Addy to see. 

_ FOMO much, Hanlon? _

Teddy’s was lifeless on a Thursday night, and JJ was eyeing them from across the bar, so Beth suggested they bring a few Marines back to her place to continue the party. Standing on the coffee table in her basement, a joint in hand, Beth danced and swayed drunkenly to the music. 

Even with Krutz’s eyes on her, Beth thought of no one but Addy. She thought of the phone first, of the lies, but Beth’s mind quickly became a mill of indulgence. Addy’s lips flashed through her mind, her taut stomach, strong arms and smooth thighs that Beth longed to trail her mouth all over.

Beth wondered, then, if she would ever have the chance. 

In the hallway the next morning, Beth felt Addy before she saw her.

“Hey,” Addy said, leaning against the windows of a classroom. “Have fun with RiRi last night?”

Beth plastered on a smile. She wondered if Addy would see through it. “Just as things were getting interesting, JJ pulled the plug.”

“Well, good news,” Addy replied, fishing in her back pocket before pulling Beth’s phone out. “You’ll never guess where I found it. In between the towels in the locker room.”

Beth and Addy stood in a silent stalemate, the commotion of the hallway turning to a whisper. 

Addy’s face said it all. Smile crooked, brows raised. 

Beth snatched the phone from Addy’s hand. “Did you look inside?”

Addy shrugged her shoulders. “Why would I do that?”

“Don’t you want to peer into the secrets of my black old heart?”

“I guess I already know all your secrets,” Addy replied. 

Beth would have laughed if she hadn’t been so close to crying. Addy thought she knew everything, but there was so much she didn’t know. Beth took two menacing steps towards Addy, bringing their hips almost flush. She lifted the sunglasses off her head and placed them behind Addy’s ears. 

“Don’t be so sure.”

///

  1. The phone.
  2. The bracelet.



///

Beth thought about that night every second of every day. 

She thought about the rain, warm against her skin, splattering on the metal of the merry-go-round. She thought of the cold handlebars under her pruning hands as she pushed, and pushed, and pushed, spinning Addy around and around. 

Beth thought of how, suddenly, it seemed Addy felt the urge to stop, watching her stick a leg out and drag it through the wood chips surrounding the playground equipment. She saw herself wiggling the Hamsa bracelet off of her own wrist and sliding it onto Addy’s. Her best friend, whom she had always felt the need to protect. She thought of Addy standing up, her face inches above Beth’s, her eyes burning into Beth’s soul.

Beth could never shake that first feeling, the first time she felt Addy’s lips on hers. Fireworks danced behind her eyes, waves of bliss crashing over her again and again. Everything she had wanted,  _ needed _ , for years, was right in front of her. 

So when she saw that  _ bitch  _ Colette French in the hallway, red string around her wrist, Beth nearly punched a hole through her locker. 

She hadn’t seen Addy wear it in a few days, but that was a new low. 

The game Beth and Addy played was one of cat and mouse. Beth always kept a vice grip on her girl, which only made Addy suffocate and squirm out of her grip.

Except now, when Addy escaped from Beth’s grasp, she had someone to run to instead. 

Beth had planned on skipping practice to smoke under the bleachers with some baseball boys, but now she needed to see Addy. She needed to look her in the eye.

“Haven’t seen you wear your bracelet in a while,” Beth said as she strode into the gym, setting her bag down next to Addy’s. “Did you lose it?”

“What?” Addy’s head jerked up from her phone. “Nah, I think I just left it at home.”

Beth pressed her. “Really? You never used to take it off.” She knew there was only so far she could go with Addy before she’d get bucked off her back.

“I said I forgot it, okay?” Addy snapped, dropping her phone into her bag and storming off in the direction of the other girls.

Beth watched her walk away. She didn’t need the truth from Addy, because she already had it. 

When the gym door swung open, the Hamsa bracelet was missing from Coach’s wrist, but Beth’s eyes never deceived her. 

***

Beth woke with a splitting headache, but it only took a moment for everything to flood back.

She remembered dancing with Krutz at the Playland, following him into a room; she remembered telling him to stop, trying to shove him off but barely being able to move. Beth felt his hands holding her down by the shoulders, his teeth sinking into her lip. She didn’t remember getting to Addy’s car, or where they went. 

Beth sat up and saw Addy sprawled out on the couch beside her. She wanted to scream; Addy had brought her to Coach French’s house. She stood and made a beeline for the bathroom, immediately turning her lip over and inspecting the deep holes in her flesh.

Then, a breeze brought Beth’s attention to her neck. Her necklace, the one Bert had given her, was missing. In a fit of panic, Beth rifled through the items on the counter looking for it. She felt her breathing quicken, the fear of having lost something important weighing heavy on her chest, keeping her breathing sharp and gasping. 

When her hands found Coach’s toiletry bag, Beth lost her breath for a new reason. Her fingers tangled in red thread, thumbing over the dangling charm. 

Beth’s head was spinning. Addy had lied to her again.

This time, she couldn’t be too angry, because Beth knew something: she was about to tell a massive lie right back.

///

  1. The phone.
  2. The bracelet.
  3. The run.



///

Beth was itching for an escape. Her mother had come down to the basement, in search of more alcohol, and it only made Beth feel more alone. Every time she closed her eyes, he was there. 

She lifted herself off the couch and grabbed her earbuds, pulling a sweater over her head before leaving out the back door.

Beth broke into a light run once she reached the street, passing her father’s house and launching into the dark. Music flooded her ears as the impact of her feet on the asphalt shot through her shins.

She had been running every day, sometimes twice a day, since the Playland. She wasn’t sleeping, wasn’t eating, and Addy was too busy frenching with French to notice.

Out of the corner of her eye, Beth saw a figure come up next to her.

Addy was running too, greeting her with a smile. 

Beth cursed herself for smiling back. She wanted to be angry, wanted to seethe from afar as she watched her best friend become a victim of adult manipulation. But hating Addy was a hopeless endeavor. Beth had tried.

“Hey,” she said, loud enough to get Addy’s attention over her music. 

Addy yanked out an earbud, turning her head to look at Beth.

“Things are different now,” Beth said, “aren’t they?”

Addy remained silent, the sounds of heavy breathing and shoes hitting pavement carrying through the air. 

“I can feel it,” Beth continued, prompted by the lack of response. “I can feel everything changing. You're changing.”

“I’m not,” Addy replied, defiance dripping from her words. “I’m still me, Beth.” Her eyes were as wide as saucers.

Beth chuckled. “You are. You used to never lie to me.”

Addy’s brows raised. “I’m not lying to you,” she said.

The irony threatened to crush Beth’s heart. She said nothing. What was there to say? Addy was so blinded by her obsession with Coach that she couldn’t see what was happening right in front of her.

Addy lied straight to Beth’s face, again, and she couldn’t see the crippling pain behind Beth’s eyes.

Beth had worked with assiduity to keep Addy close to her, and she still came up short. She always knew Addy would break her heart.

As they ran side by side, blanketed in darkness, Beth felt it.

She felt her heart breaking.

///

  1. The phone.
  2. The bracelet.
  3. The run.
  4. The words.



///

It was building inside of Beth for days. She waited up for Addy, for hours, wrapped up in a blanket while the AC blasted. Beth knew she wasn’t out with RiRi and the girls, and she had left her phone in the room. Beth had forced herself to look away from Addy’s screensaver before it made her vomit.

When the squad ran out onto the stage to perform at Regionals, Beth nearly choked on her words, holding onto Addy’s arm to keep her backstage.

“Beth, what are you doing? Let go of me,” Addy said, twisting her arm in Beth’s grip.

“Addy, were you with her last night?” Beth said, her voice hushed over the sound of the crowd.

“This is about Regionals, Beth,” she countered. “This isn’t about you. Everything isn’t about you.”

Beth ignored the sharp pain in her chest. “No, this  _ isn’t  _ about me, this is about you. The things that you never admit: what you do, what you want.” She heaved a breath. “You just smile, and you smile and then you stab me in the  _ fucking  _ heart.”

Addy leaned in close, eyes wide and full of undecipherable emotion.

Beth would have paid infinite sums to know what Addy was thinking.

“Nothing’s ever enough for you, Beth,” Addy said, but Beth barely heard it.

“Look, it’s my fault,” Beth said. “It’s my fault for falling for it, for  _ you _ , again and again, and you were never gonna choose me.” Beth registered the words as she spoke them. Addy was  _ never  _ going to choose her. 

“We’ve been waiting for this our whole lives,” Addy deflected. 

“How come, Addy?” Beth let her voice fall to a whisper, tears welling up. “How come you never choose me?”

Addy hesitated, mouth open. 

“Just tell me the truth, for once in your life,” Beth pleaded. “What is it about her? What does she have that I don’t?”

Beth demanded the truth. After lies upon lies, after all the upending Coach had done to their friendship just by existing, Beth needed to hear the truth, even if it killed her.

And yet, as their team stood in position waiting for them, Addy’s lip slinked between her teeth, brows pushing worry lines into her forehead.

“She isn’t you.” Addy ran onto the stage.

Beth could barely control her breathing. She forced herself to relax, to ignore it all, to plaster on another fake smile.

She jogged out onto the mat with a wave.

///

  1. The phone
  2. The bracelet
  3. The run
  4. The words
  5. The realization



///

_ Well I guess we’ll see, won’t we? We’ll see if she’s got your back, like I always have. Eyes on my girl, Addy. We’ll see what she says when the detectives ask about the bracelet. Your bracelet, the one they found at the crime scene. _

Beth laid in a haze of drunken half-sleep, legs hanging off the edge of her couch. She had stayed at Lanvers Peak for an hour, long enough to convince everyone she was okay, before slipping into her Jeep and driving home. 

She couldn’t believe it. Addy had chosen Coach, once and for all. Her best friend, lost to a woman Beth was  _ convinced  _ had murdered Sarge Will. 

Beth had tried so hard, for so long, to keep Addy with her. But now, she realized, she’d been going about it all wrong. Beth wanted Addy to be hers, but Addy needed to choose Beth on her own.

That, Beth was convinced Addy would never do.

The rapping of knuckles on glass woke Beth from her trance. She sat up with a start, turning to face the back door, a silhouette appearing in the window. 

Addy.

“Beth? Can you let me in?” Addy called, knocking again. “Beth, I know you can hear me. I can see you.”

Beth thought through her options. She could ignore Addy, go upstairs and leave her hanging outside. She could let her in and listen to whatever bullshit story Coach French had spoonfed her. 

“Please, Beth, I need to talk to you.” Desperation poured from Addy’s mouth.

With a frustrated huff, Beth lifted herself from the couch and padded to the door. She squared her shoulders, staring Addy down through the thin pane of glass.

“What?” she asked.

“Beth, I-” Addy stuttered. “I was wrong. About everything.”

It was Beth’s turn to raise her eyebrows. She had  _ not  _ expected this.

“Coach, her hair was wet when I got there,” Addy said. “She called me in the middle of the night. Told me to come to the Towers. She said it was bad. So I went.”

Beth’s hand rested on the doorknob, but she hesitated, listening to Addy’s confession.

“God, the blood… It was everywhere, Beth.” Her voice trembled as she spoke, bottom lip quivering.

Beth didn’t think her heart could break for Addy any more than it already had. This, though… This was different.

“His teeth were on the carpet. I don’t- Why was her hair wet? Why did she put my cheer shoes in the bag if she’d already bleached them? Beth, why did she call me?” Tears streaked Addy’s face, glowing in the black light of Beth’s basement.

Beth turned the handle, yanking the door open and ushering Addy inside. She still didn’t have the full story, let alone understand it. Beth gingerly took Addy’s hand in hers and led her to the couch, sitting down cross-legged across from her best friend.

Addy’s breath came in quick pants, like she was hyperventilating.

“Addy, it’s okay,” Beth said. “It’s okay, just tell me what happened.”

“I don’t know, I- I don’t understand anything.” Addy’s tears fell with fervor, droplets landing on the sheet below her. 

Beth leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Addy’s shoulders, pulling her close. 

Addy sunk into the embrace, a choked sob falling from her lips as soon as she felt Beth’s arms around her. 

“It’s okay,” Beth whispered, one hand stroking her back. “Everything is okay.”

“It’s n-not,” Addy said with a sniffle. “I’m f-fucking terrible. I’m so s-sorry, Beth. I’ve lied to you so much.” 

Beth pulled back a few inches, bringing Addy’s face into view. “I know. You’re not a very good liar.” Beth couldn’t help but smile, because this was  _ her  _ girl, in  _ her  _ arms, apologizing. 

But there was still something in Beth’s mind —nagging, lingering. 

“At Regionals, when you said ‘she’s not you,’” Beth said, heart thrumming in her chest, “did you mean that?”

Addy sat up straight, taking Beth’s hands into her own. “Beth, when I said that… Coach was telling me things. That I had scout potential and shit, but that you were getting in the way of that.”

Beth saw red, but she didn’t dare move.

“But she was using me,” Addy continued, and Beth felt as though she was watching Addy realize this for the first time. “She was trying to get between us.”

“I know,” Beth replied. “I’ve been trying to tell you.”

Addy ducked her head. “I’m fucking embarrassed that I fell for that shit.”

Beth peered lower, but Addy moved to avoid her gaze. “Addy, stop.” She slipped one hand into the crook of Addy’s neck, gently lifting her head. 

“I didn’t mean it.” Addy’s eyes welled up with tears, hands coming to rest on Beth’s waist. “I’ve been terrified since that night at cheer camp. You’re in my head all the time, it literally never stops. Everything is about you. And I think I got scared of that, and I used Coach to drive a wedge between us.”

Beth’s hand rested on Addy’s neck, and she brought it up to graze her cheek. “Why are you scared?”

Addy worried her bottom lip. “Because I love you. Like,  _ really _ love you. And I’m scared that’s not what you want.”

Beth gasped in a breath, cradling Addy’s face with both hands. “Addy, that’s all I’ve ever wanted. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to love me the way I love you.”

Their gazes locked, time and space stretching long and thin around them. Beth felt like she was everywhere and nowhere all at once, and yet she felt rooted to this place—Addy holding onto her waist, looking at her like she hung the stars in the sky.

But then Addy leaned in, and Beth’s eyes barely fluttered shut before their lips met in a timid kiss. She was gone immediately after, forehead resting against Beth’s.

She couldn’t help it. It had been three months since that night in the rain, and kissing Addy again was all Beth had thought about since. She leaned up to connect their lips again, with more fervor this time. Addy’s lips parted to grant Beth entrance, her nails digging into Beth’s uniform. 

When they separated, Beth felt guilt bubble in her stomach. She let her hands fall from Addy’s face, drawing her knees up to her chest.

“Beth?” Addy asked, scooting closer. “What is it?”

“You were lying to me, but, uh…” Beth said, eyes downcast. “I’ve been lying to you too.”

“About what?”

Beth hesitated, breath shaky. 

Addy took her hand. “Beth, you can tell me. It’s okay.”

“That night, at the Playland,” Beth said, clinging to Addy’s hand for dear life. “I told you nothing happened.”

“But something happened?” Addy finished for her, and Beth nodded. “What happened, Beth? What did he do?”

Beth moved wordlessly, reaching for her phone on the table and scrolling through her camera roll until she found the photos. She handed the phone to Addy and watched as she scrolled through the pictures.

“Oh my God, Beth,” Addy rushed out, eyes never leaving the screen. Her jaw dropped even lower.

Beth leaned up to see which picture she was looking at, and she saw herself in the mirror, gaping holes in the flesh of her lip.

“I can’t believe I didn’t know.” Addy shook her head, like she was trying to rid herself of a bad dream. “God, I should have seen it. I should’ve known.”

“You were… otherwise occupied,” Beth mumbled.

“Beth, I’m so sorry,” Addy said, shifting to sit behind Beth and snake her arms around her waist. “I should have been there for you.”

Beth turned until she was straddling Addy’s hips, two hands on her waist. “It’s okay. You’re here now.”

“I’m here now,” Addy echoed, leaning up to leave feather-light kisses along Beth’s jaw. “And I’m not going anywhere.”

Beth scanned Addy’s face as she spoke. Never in her life had she seen her best friend look so sincere. 

  
  



End file.
